Our Adoption StoryEmily & Brooke

Deciding to Adopt Again

After adopting our son Benson, we were absolutely over the moon. We loved our son so much but knew that our family wasn’t complete. We weren’t entirely sure how we wanted to grow our family but after the year long roller coaster adoption journey to our son we weren’t sure we would pursue adoption again. Truly we said we wouldn’t do it again. The journey was emotionally exhausting, even though it led to such a beautiful outcome. But as time went on and our son was 2 years old, we discussed every possible path forward—biological children, fostering, and adoption or an embryo with one of us carrying a baby, serrogacy, you name it—but none of those felt right. It was almost like we could control to much. With adoption we felt like we would get the child that was meant for us. Adoption was the only option that resonated with us, just as it had before. Our hearts kept leading us back to it, and we decided to take the plunge again, knowing this journey could be filled with both joy and sorrow.

Our previous experience with Angel Adoption when adopting our son went well, so we decided to go back to them. It felt like coming back to something familiar, something we trusted and had worked for us the first go around.

Starting the Journey

We were filled with excitement and nerves to begin the adoption journey again. Our families were excited but also surprised we were pursuing adoption again knowing what we had gone through the first time. Even though we had gone through the process before, we were somewhat naive about the timeline. Our son’s adoption was start to finish complete in a year. We had started with Angel in July and he was born the following June, so we’re thinking it may be a similar timeline the second go around. We dove right into the process for a second time with hopeful hearts, filled with dreams of completing our family. But this journey proved to be far more challenging and longer than we anticipated.

About five months into our journey, we received our first opportunity. We were excited but having been down this road before we were cautiously optimistic. After a few months the birth mother stopped responding and we assume decided to parent. We had done this before and knew this was possible, but the emotional blow was still hard. A few months later, another opportunity arose. This time, the birth mother had previously placed through Angel, and we felt especially hopeful. Unfortunately, she miscarried, and we found ourselves grieving not only the loss of the opportunity but also the loss she was experiencing.

The Struggles Along the Way

The following months were all over the place. We had multiple matches over the next few months. Had even met one birth mother and her spouse in person since they lived in our home state. Some birth mothers chose other families, another had miscarried again. The hardest one was about a year and a half into the process when an expectant mother gave birth, text to tell us she chose to parent, but then two weeks later called asking us to come get the baby saying she “couldn’t do it” and had almost left the baby at an infant drop box. Unfortunately the birth father got involved, stopping the process and ended up keeping the child.

When it was coming to the end of our 2 year contract with still no baby, we began to question it. Were we meant to adopt another child? Should be just be content with our son? Was that the lesson here? Was our family already complete as the three we were?

Despite the heartbreak, we kept going. After an extension to our contract at the 2 year mark, we received another opportunity. While speaking with that expectant mother we matched again. They were match 11 and 12. Yes, we talked to 12 expectant mothers in our journey. It was overwhelming and stressful, as we wanted to be fair to both expectant mothers. Our hearts were torn, and we wrestled with guilt and confusion over making such a significant decision. Ultimately, we trusted our instincts and chose to move forward with Collins' birth mother. I had my doubts but my spouse was sure that moving forward with Collins’ birth mother was the right choice. Turning down an expectant mother was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make, but we trusted the process.

Meeting Our Daughter

The day of Collins' birth was nerve-wracking. Fortunately her birth mother was induced so we were able to meet in person and have dinner the night before. The next day we had all gone shopping together before heading to the hospital. It was a long night of waiting. I had gone to our room in the postpartum wing to rest while Brooke stayed in the room with her. Then around 5am the next morning Brooke came to get me saying it was time. We waited outside the room, our hearts pounding with anticipation and fear of the unknown. As soon as she was born her biological grandmother came out and hugged and congratulated us. We were all crying. After that we were invited in to see her. We were all in the room with Collins' birth mother, sharing that beautiful and emotional moment with her. It was incredibly humbling to witness her strength and courage firsthand.

Collins' birth mother was so calm and assured in her decision to place. We admired her bravery and compassion, recognizing that this was not an easy choice. We were able to visit with her during her hospital stay, and it felt so nice to all be together and have that time with one another. It felt like she was giving us not only her child but also a piece of her own heart, trusting us to provide the life she wanted for Collins.

Building a Relationship with Collins' Birth Mother

Our relationship with Collins' birth mother has continued. We stayed in touch through monthly updates during the first year, sharing photos, milestones, and messages of gratitude. Now, we check in with each other every couple of months. She follows us on social media and often likes or comments on the photos we share of Collins. This ongoing connection brings us peace, knowing that she feels included and reassured that Collins is loved and thriving.

Incredibly, we have great relationships with both of our children's birth mothers. They are each a part of our family's story, and we honor the role they have played in blessing us with our two beautiful children. We wouldn’t be the family we are today without them and they gave us something better than we could have ever imagined.

The Biggest Challenges

The waiting process this time was extremely challenging. We second-guessed ourselves more times than we could count. After experiencing so many heartbreaks, it was difficult to keep faith that everything would work out. But we were fortunate to have Benson and a big house renovation keeping us busy, and lifting our spirits along the way. The process was a test of our patience, resilience, and unwavering hope.

The best advice we can offer is to trust the process. Know that your child is out there, waiting to join your family. When the time is right, everything will fall into place, and all of the heartbreaks and waiting will make sense. The journey may not be easy, but when you hold your child for the first time, you'll understand that every step along the way was worth it. You will look back at your journey and see that it all fell into place when it was meant to.