While open adoptions are increasingly more common, it can still seem scary, and both adoptive parents and birth parents may have concerns. It is important to remember that research shows open adoption benefits the adoptee, and in most cases also benefits the birth parents and adoptive parents.
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Adoption is one of the most rewarding and exciting experiences when growing your family. When you welcome a child into your home, it is a blessing to them and a gift to you as a parent. Since this is a lifetime commitment, you should carefully research, plan, and discuss domestic adoption with an agency who can guide you along the journey towards adoption.
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As an adopted child grows and learns about their personal identity, it can be an unsettling time for the family and another confusing aspect of parenting. The child will learn of their birth mom and want to seek out answers about their birth and their origins. This can be nerve wracking for the parents and other siblings, wondering if the adoptee will want to go live with the birth mom once they’re reunited, but that is rarely the case.
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Open adoptions have many benefits for the child, the adoptive parents, and the birth parents. It can be a blessing or a hassle, depending on the circumstances. What is most important in these meetings is protecting the adoptee from an emotionally-charged situation where they are at the center of a storm.
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Many parents are afraid of how to approach the subject of domestic adoption and fear their child will find out through a bumbled conversation with a family member or neighbor. However, it doesn’t have to be a difficult topic nor does it have to be a traumatic parenting experience, as if it was revealing a big secret.
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With the ability to access the internet and social media from nearly anywhere, information regarding birth parents and adoptees are relatively easy to find. It is a parent’s job to protect their child, but it can be difficult to know where to start regarding cyber security, identity protection, and digital citizenship. Beyond that, there is concern if the birth family reaches out via social media and makes contact with your adopted child.
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Something many adoptive parents do not expect or are unprepared for is adoptive parent guilt. This occurs most commonly in the case of domestic adoptions, because you often meet the birth mother and are reminded that she is a human being just like yourself.
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Children who are raised by their birth parents are surrounded by their history. Adoptees often experience gaps in time and memories no matter their age at the time of adoption. While open adoptions are becoming more common, not all adoptees have access to their birth parents, and without proper documentation of their life story, adoptees are left wondering about their own history which may lead to them having a very fragile sense of who they are.
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Adopted children are likely to experience medical or mental health issues, and it is important that prospective adoptive parents fully understand the implications of these health issues, so they can care for their adoptive child in the best way possible.
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Whether your children are biological or are adopted, at some point in their lives they will have questions about their family history. Researchers have developed the “do you know” scale which asks children approximately 20 questions about their family history to determine how much they know. The more children know about their families history has proven to show children have a stronger sense of control over their lives, much higher self-esteem, and a more successful family dynamic — but what do you do when you cannot tell your adopted children about their family history?
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